Itchiness
by WriteCrazily13
Summary: Danny was in his English class when he realised. He didn't like his smile. (TW: self-harm, self-hate, low self-esteem)
1. One

**Disclaimer: I don't own Danny Phantom. (Sorry for the pain)**

**Trigger Warning: Self-Harm, Self-Hate. This isn't for the easily queasy.**

**~~DP~~**

Danny was in the middle of his English class when he realised something.

He didn't like his smile.

He didn't like the way he only had one faint dimple, or the fact that his bottom teeth didn't show - and when they did they looked horrible.

He didn't like the way his front two teeth looked too large one day and alright the next. How they ruined his image sometimes, but sometimes they just fit perfectly.

Scrap disliking his smile, he hated it.

Sam and Tucker gave him a glance, and that was when he noticed that Mr Lancer had been calling his name. For how long, he didn't know.

"Yes, sir?" he asked. "I'm sorry, I wasn't listening."

Lancer looked surprised.

"Thank you for your honesty, Mr Fenton," he said, "but I would advise you listen in the future. In the meantime, I was just asking if you could close the window."

Danny silently got up and closed it. Sam and Tucker shared a look with each other. but didn't say anything to Danny.

He was fine with it.

He spent the rest of the lesson trying his best to focus.

Ignoring the vague itch on his arm that he was desperate to scratch.

**~~DP~~**

It was in Danny's art class that he made another realisation.

He didn't like his hair.

Luckily, in that class, he could do something about it.

He eyed the scissors hungrily on the table. He didn't really need scissors for the project they were doing, but everyone was talking so loudly anyway that they wouldn't be able to hear the snip.

Sam and Tucker, once again, brought him out of his thoughts.

"-nny? Danny? Dude, can you hear us?"

"Must be something ghost related, or he would've replied by now. Just wait it out."

Danny didn't like how they assumed everything wrong with him was because of ghosts. At the same time, he appreciated it.

"Sorry, guys," he said, putting his mask on easily, slightly scratching his arms. They didn't notice. "Yeah, I was seeing if there were any in the area. There aren't, luckily."

He almost wished there were. He wished Spectra was there, just so he could blame someone for how he was feeling.

So that he would know how to fix it.

He laid his head back on the table, once again staring at the scissors. He waited until Sam and Tucker left to go and tell the teacher they were finished, and that was when he struck.

He quickly picked up the scissors, snipping his hair off as quickly as he could before they came back. He sighed, feeling a weight lifted off his shoulders.

Everyone in the class stared at him in shock. He just gave them a bright smile _(even though he felt they were judging him by the smile why did he do that it was so stupid). _He felt better. For once.

He liked his hair better this way.

(The itching had finally gone.)

**~~DP~~**

He was lounging around with Sam and Tucker _(how come they always seemed to be around him?) _when he came to another realisation.

He hated how much body fat he had.

He scowled heavily, wanting - _needing - _to scratch his arms fiercely. His arms involuntarily moved and he gave a small gasp.

He needed to get rid of the itchiness.

_(The itchiness that had gone but now it was back and oh god hedidn'tknow but he neededtostop but he didn'tknowhow.)_

That was the first thing that Sam and Tucker had noticed was wrong with him that day.

"Hey, Danny, what's wrong?" Sam asked, looking at him with a concerned expression.

Danny inwardly cursed.

"Oh, it's nothing, just an injury I got from Skulker a few days ago. I haven't been Phantom as much, so it hasn't healed quickly," he lied, feeling slightly guilty when he saw that they believed him.

Because they'd never think he'd lied to them. He had nothing to lie about. Right?

Danny stood up abruptly.

"Dude, where are you going?" Tucker asked, also jumping up, regretting it as his PDA fell of his lap. Swearing, he quickly picked it up and checked it over.

"I just think I need to do more exercise," Danny said, walking out of his room slowly.

_\- please help me I'm not okay I need help help me pleasepleaseplease -_

"Okay, cool." They both shrugged and let him be on his way.

The faint itching that had disappeared when he cut his hair was back.

He fought the urge to itch.

**~~DP~~**

It was in Lancer's class that Danny realised he needed to go.

_\- he needed to go and never come back and oh god he needs help please someone see pleasepleaseplease help me -_

He asked to be excused to the bathroom, which Lancer agreed with, as long as he didn't take too long. If he did, it would be a one-way ticket to detention.

It was fine. It wouldn't take too long anyway.

**~~DP~~**

He had thought he was alone when he went in. He put his forehead against the mirrors _(why was he so hot?) _and fought the urge to do it.

_\- just go nobodyneedsyou no one cares hewasallalone -_

He pulled out the penknife he always _\- stupidly - _carried around with him. He sliced his arm and instantly felt relief.

_\- the itchiness was fine now but this is all wrongwrongwrong -_

He did it again and again and again until he felt weak from all the blood that had drained from his body.

It was then he noticed the still body of Dash Baxter by the door.

"H-hey, Dash," Danny stuttered, trying to hide the redness on his arms.

_\- his whole arm was red he needed to washitoffnow it needed to go he needed to getridofit -_

Before letting Dash have a chance to answer, Danny turned to the sink in front of him and scrubbed his arms hurriedly.

It's not like Dash cared, anyway.

He turned around a few seconds later and saw that the boy was gone.

Perhaps he had just left him. Like everyone did.

It was fine.

The itchiness was gone.

**~~DP~~**

**So that's that. Um... review? I don't know if I'll make this a story or add another part to this or something. Maybe.**

**Byeee~ (oh yeah happy Easter whoops I'm posting an angsty fic on Easter oh well~)**


	2. Two

**Disclaimer: Nope, I still don't own Danny Phantom! But I'm pretty sure some of you guys are pleased about that...**

**Authors Note: Review replies below because I can't be bothered to PM:**

**LoViNgXtWiLiGhTxoxo ~ Thank you! As you can tell by this chapter, I am continuing :) thanks for the support!**

**A-Mostly-Free-Individual ~ I'm glad you love angst, I do too XD most of my friends on here don't, unfortunately... Thanks so much! I absolutely love getting feedback, whether it's good or bad, and I honestly wasn't too sure about the structure of it :) Again, as you can tell by this chapter, I'm continuing, so you definitely will be seeing a few more chapters! I'm thinking about making it longer than I was going to :D**

**SofiPhan29 ~ I can't tell if that's a good wow or a bad wow XD**

**MidnightWriter44678 ~ Yeah, it hurt me to write it too, but I'd had it stuck in my head for so long I figured why not share it? :P I'm glad you enjoyed!**

**PeanutCAT13 ~ I know... I like angst a bit too much... This was actually going to be a one shot, originally, but since so many people want me to add more I thought 'why not?'**

**User724 ~ I'm interested in it, sort of, but I haven't watched it yet... Sue me. **

**Trigger Warnings: Self harm (this is going to be a thing now...), self hate.**

**~~DP~~**

Contrary to what Danny (probably) thought, Sam and Tucker weren't dumb.

They'd noticed the way he'd stare longingly at the scissors on the table, or how he'd always wear long sleeves.

They weren't _stupid._

However, even with them denying it, they had to admit that at one point, they were a little... brain dead.

In other words, they left Danny alone.

In that time, he'd managed to cut some of his hair off (leaving it with this uneven, messy look that he seemed rather proud of) and somehow cut his arm.

And the weird thing was that Danny hadn't _noticed._

Surely a normal person would notice that their arm had been cut _(and rather deeply, too) _and immediately ask to go to the nurse.

Then Sam and Tucker remembered that Danny wasn't _exactly _normal.

Anyway, since Danny has been in so many fights and gotten hurt so many times -

_\- Tucker could still remember the time when Danny came into his house with his arm bleeding heavily. Danny kept on saying he was sorry, that he didn't mean to. He just didn't -_

\- that maybe he was immune to it now. Yeah, his pain tolerance was higher now. That _had _to be it.

They both ignored the obvious truth in front of them, desperately hoping it wasn't true.

**~~DP~~**

Okay, so Dash might have bullied Danny for years, but he wasn't going to sit there and do nothing.

Was he?

Dash didn't really want to know what would happen if he told someone. What if Danny went completely crazy on him?

_(He'd heard some people whose deepest, darkest secrets had been told did that.)_

No, Danny was much too weak to do that. He didn't have the physical strength to do that.

Even though Danny could run fast - but only when he was distracted, for some reason - and appeared to have muscles on some occasions, he couldn't _hurt _Dash, could he?

No. It would be better if he told.

Except, did he really care?

So maybe Danny was almost self destructing. Maybe he was hurting himself for a _good _reason. Yeah. He just needed to get it out of his mind.

He didn't really _care _about Fendork, did he?

No. He didn't.

Dash could just put him out of his mind and move on. Besides, Fenturd wouldn't go _that_ far.

Dash went back to Lancer's classroom and sat back in his seat, leaning back and chatting easily to his friends.

After all, it wasn't _his _problem.

**~~DP~~**

Danny hadn't felt in a long time.

Maybe he should rephrase that.

He hadn't felt _emotions _in a while.

He couldn't remember what it was like to be happy -

_\- Danny gave Tucker and Sam a smile, laughing as they continuously told him absolutely horrible jokes that had absolutely no context, tears streaming down his face of joy -_

\- or to be upset -

_\- the liquid dripping down his face felt strangely hot and cold at the same time as he sobbed into his knees, Sam and Tucker comforting him -_

\- or to be angry and annoyed -

_\- "Honestly, dude, you're seriously starting to annoy me now," Danny warned, his eyes raging like fire at the Box Ghost. "I swear if you make me fail..." -_

\- or to_ love -_

_\- he looked at Sam with an adoring expression. What was he waiting for? -_

or anything else.

It _hurt. _

It hurt to see his family give him a gift and having to fake a smile to make them happy.

It hurt to have Sam and Tucker at his back all the time because they were just_ worried._

_(They didn't need to worry about him, he wasn't needed, they'd be perfectly fine if he wasn't -)_

It hurt to have Jazz look at him with a concerned expression, as though there was something _wrong._

_(Except there was and she couldn't see it and he'd dug too deep and he couldn't get out of this hole -)_

He had dug too deep. And he'd pay the price.

_(Shouldn't he say _cut _too deep?)_

Danny may hate himself, he may wish that he was never born, but he wasn't going to go to that length.

After all, he still had a family. He still had friends.

At least, he thought he did.

But would friends do this? Would they watch your every move, then let you go, carefree, because they _trust you?_

The guilt bared down on him heavily, crushing his shoulders, crushing his want to live.

One slash is all it would take. Was he man enough to do it?

No. He wasn't.

He was already half-dead. He couldn't take away the half of him that was living too.

_(But the relief he'd felt as he'd seen the on button inside the machine - the way he was absolutely certain he'd die - and the horrible pain - and he woke -)_

People relied on him, he hoped. People needed him, he wished.

It was probably all in vain.

Nobody loved him.

All he needed to do was do that _one vertical slice -_

\- and all his troubles would be over.

He raised the knife.

**~DP~**

**Yeah, I totally left you on a cliffhanger. I'm pleased.**

**Um, I hope you enjoyed? I know it was kinda short, I just thought it was the perfect place to stop ;)**

**Also, I'm about to create a poll :) it'll be up until Sunday (so, four days) and it's basically this:**

**Danny die?**

**Danny alive?**

**I have different ways of how this story will go, so pick either!**

**Reviews shall be answered at the top of next chappy! I really appreciate your feedback, guys :D**


	3. Three

**Disclaimer: Dude, you'd know if I owned Danny Phantom, because it'd be a hell of a lot angstier - that isn't even a word.**

**Review replies:**

**_PeanutCAT13_ \- Yeah, I updated :) and I'll be doing the alternate ending either way, so don't worry about that XP**

**_SofiPhan29_ \- I'm glad it was a good wow XD Yeah, it would be a good twist, but.. hmmm...**

**_Doodle of the snake doodle_ \- So, uh, you're now going to read more. If you wanna. And I'm gonna try to make it a full story as well, don't you worry :) It definitely would be, using your words, 'good old human drama' if it failed, but who knows? (I don't) I'm glad you think so!**

**Note: Um, I'm sick at the moment, and since school is still going on for me I'm missing school and nobody is home but me right now - in other words, I'm bored and want to write. Also, I forgot to put the poll up last time... I will NOW, sorry about that. (It's a tie, guys, I need more opinions lmao)**

**(I'm not sick anymore :) I forgot to write more of this whoooppsssss but my school finished so yayyyy!)**

**(im back at school :( sorry this took so long life has been absolute hell)**

**~DP~**

He put it down. Not in school. He couldn't ruin his school's memories like this.

He clutched the edge of the sink, breathing heavily.

"Get your head together, Fenton," Danny murmured to himself, gazing down so he'd avoid the mirror in front of him.

He didn't want any more reminders of how he was useless - _worthless._

He might not be needed in this world anymore, and he might be able to fix that for the world, but -

Not in school.

_Never _in school.

The school's memories were already tarnished because of Sidney Poindexter, he couldn't add to that.

(He would ignore the small sense of relief he felt because he could see his family again.)

_(Did his family even want to see him again?)_

He pulled his sleeves down, hiding the knife in a hidden pocket he'd made in it a while ago.

Sighing, for a single second all of his emotions being revealed to the world before he placed his mask back on.

_Keep it cool, Fenton. Just gotta fake it until I can get to the park. It's gonna be okay. Perfectly fine._

He had convienently forgotten he had Lancer last. He just wanted to go -

_\- and never come back -_ and deal with all of this in a nice, _human _way.

But he wasn't human, was he?

_(He mentally added that to his 'list of things I hate about myself'. It already had quite a lot of things filled up on there.)_

Not since he had _\- stupidly - _gone into that portal, not since he had _\- hoped and begged - _thought he was going to die.

But hey, life was life, right? It hadn't gone his way, but he had half-died the first time, and it was only a matter of moments until the next. he just had to hope it came sooner rather than later.

(And he had full control on when it happened. He relished in that fact, holding the thin string of his life in his hand and just waiting to cut it with the scissors.)

* * *

Tucker had researched this stuff in the past. He knew that Danny had been diagnosed in the past with anxiety - and honestly, he understood, considering Danny felt he had to live up to such high expectations.

He knew that Danny's anxiety could lead to depression, and worse things, so he'd researched.

He'd searched through many, many, _many _files on Google, and wherever else when he lost track, and he knew all the signs.

He just didn't understand how he'd missed them _now._

Because, without a doubt, Danny was depressed. He hadn't discussed it with Sam yet, no, she's be heartbroken to know what Danny was feeling about himself, but he was planning to in the near future.

Danny couldn't go on like this, pretending that he was okay when he clearly wasn't.

Tucker had seen him go down that road before, he'd seen him only _slightly _depressed, and that was bad enough as it was.

Danny knew just what things made him tick, and what things would make him stop.

It was Tucker's job to make sure that the ticking continued. He'd given himself that position when Danny had come to him one night, crying his eyes out because of the terrible thoughts he had.

That had only been a year ago.

When Tucker saw Danny go into the portal, his heart clenched with fear. He knew, without a doubt, that this was going to be a bad idea.

He was right.

(He desperately wished that he wasn't.)

**~DP~**

_Moments before Danny walked into the portal, he turned his head back to Tucker, looking him in the eye._

_Danny's were filled with guilt, yet relief was evident there as well. Tucker wanted to pull him back - _no, no, no, this was what he was trying to avoid _\- but let his friend go._

_After all, what could he do against him?_

_When Danny had pressed the 'on' button - and Tucker was certain that it _was not _an accident - and started screaming, Tucker regretted not making a move._

_Him and Sam ran towards the portal, him with tears dripping out of his eyes, Sam looking distraught - _and Tucker almost wanted to blame her for bringing up the idea in the first place _\- as they ran closer._

_Tucker held his arm out, stopping Sam from getting any closer. If they did, they'd get electrocuted as well, and there was no point going to three funerals when two of them were avoidable._

_"I'm so sorry..." he whispered, letting his arm drop when he realised Sam wouldn't take the risk. "I'm so, _so _sorry."_

_The moment the electricity - and Danny's agonizing screams - stopped, Tucker ran forward, tugging his friend out of the machine._

_He was shocked at what he saw, but didn't bother making a further action before he made sure his friend was alive._

_There was no need. Danny opened his eyes - wonderful, fluorescent green eyes which weren't his own at all - and ran his hand through his snow white hair._

_After that, Tucker had embraced his friend in a hug._

_(And he was so, so, _so _glad that Danny was alive to hug him back.)_

**~DP~**

Tucker had been stupid from that point onwards. He'd only considered the fact that his friend was half-_ghost, _his friend had freaking _ghost powers - _he didn't bother checking over the human side of him.

That was when, Tucker knew, Danny had disorientated completely. Without Tucker's constant support with his mental health, there was no one making sure he wouldn't do the unspeakable things.

And Tucker regretted it all. Why didn't he look out for his friend sooner? If he had, then maybe he wouldn't have gotten so bad so fast.

Because Tucker had known deep down, deep inside of him what being a half-ghost meant.

He saw the way Danny's eyes were relieved, almost, when they mentioned the ghost part of him, but were angry when the human part of him was mentioned.

Being a half-ghost meant that he was half-dead.

There was only half of him to go.

* * *

**guys i can do line breaks now**

**(im now including the ~DP~ signs when it's still a characters 'POV', for lack of a better phrase)**

**sorry this took so long, my mental health has been breroprjhedkiuwghfhj and then bad things happened but we have a puppy to look after so im happy now :)**

**she is the sweetest thing and i love her so much...**

**sorry for the improper grammar by the way i cannot be bothered at alllll**

**i hope you enjoyed! sorry it took so long again, it is currently 00:43 but i was bored so i finished this :)**

**review replies shall be at the top of next chapter :) goodbye!**


	4. Four

**Disclaimer: You would know if I owned Danny Phantom. That is all.**

**Warning: Self-harm, self-hate.**

**Review replies:**

**_AppleScentedLazers - _****Yeah, it's an absolutely horrible thing to go through and I just hope that anybody who does go through it will be okay. Aw, thank you so much! I honestly tried so much with it, I didn't want it to be that somebody told Danny to stop and he was just like 'sure', that doesn't happen. Don't be too nervous! (or do, im nervous as well...)**

_**Cyan Quartz -**_** Yeah, he's not having the best time :( Thank you though!**

**NOTE: If you guys ever need anything, or feel the way Danny's feeling, don't be ashamed to come and tell me! I'll always listen! If you don't have a fanfic account, then message me on instagram, my username is writecrazily. If you ever need anything, even just a laugh! I promise I'll be there!**

* * *

Danny didn't know how it started.

Well, _no, _that was a lie, he _did _know how it started. He just didn't know _why._

_(Why, why, why. That was the question he asked himself every day. Why was he here? Why was he still alive? Why couldn't he have just left already?)_

Why had he felt the intense need to slice his skin that day? He couldn't remember anything intensely _bad _that happened that day - then again, when did anything bad happen that made him need to do it?

He supposed it was because he couldn't breathe, and he needed to find some way to breathe.

The first time he did it, he was eleven. He couldn't remember much - his family were all downstairs, having a nice time (without him) - but he had read about self-harm. There was no reason why.

He'd always been a curious child, he supposed. This was one thing he wished he hadn't delved so deep into. But how was he supposed to know that it would've gotten so bad? He couldn't blame his eleven year old self, could he?

No. _He _wouldn't have known how bad it was going to get. _He _didn't know the lengths that he would go to to feel. It wasn't _his _fault.

No, it was his fault.

It hadn't been deep. That was one thing he knew; he'd found a pin, he stared at it for a morbid amount of time, before he drew a line into his skin and that was that. After that, well... He didn't think it got _worse._

Actually, after that first cut (which he didn't even truly _counted _as a cut) he hadn't done anything for almost a year. Yes, he had held the pin or any other sharp object to his wrist (which was so unbelievably obvious _why had he-_) but he hadn't done anything. He'd been too scared.

What if Jazz had found out? She would've gone _mental _if she'd found out, he would've never gotten let out of her sight.

And that's why he didn't tell her. Purely for her sake, and not his own. He didn't want her to be worried about him, and she was fine in knowing that he was okay.

Of course, the day that he had broken in Tucker's arms ruined all that.

(Yes, he'd meant Tucker. It was always Tucker who looked after him, who checked his arms regularly, who made sure he was mentally okay.)

The day was clear in his mind.

_(He'd been twelve. Tucker had been thirteen.)_

**~ DP ~**

They had been walking home from school when Tucker mentioned it.

"Hey, are you okay?" he tentatively said, Danny's head shooting up as he spoke.

"I - yeah!" Danny insisted, eyes darting down hurriedly as he spoke. He gave a wide grin, despite it being fake and Tucker could see through it easily, he simply nodded.

"Well, I don't think you are," he said, shaking his head. "You know what we haven't had in a while? A talk. A proper, _long _talk, that we haven't had in a while, not since you told me about your anxiety and I promised I'd be there. I haven't been there, so I need to be there now, so we're going to have this talk."

Danny gave a small sigh, allowing his walls to go down, and gave a small nod. "Yeah. Yeah, I - I'm not okay. Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet," Tucker said, winking at him. "Thank me _after _we get to my house, okay?"

Danny smiled.

It was small, yes, but it wasn't fake. It was the first real smile he had done for a while.

He wasn't surprised that Tucker managed to elicit it from him. Tucker always had managed to do the impossible.

Once they'd gotten to Tucker's house, they shouted a quick 'hello!' to Tucker's mom before running up to Tucker's room, the boy intent on making a pillow den, using his bed covers as well. He'd also asked his mom to make hot chocolate, and barely ten minutes after him and Danny had stepped into the door, they were in the pillow den, hot chocolate held to their chests.

"So, what's on your mind?" Tucker finally asked after a few minutes of silence.

"I don't know... Nothing? Everything?" Danny said, putting his mug down and clutching his hair. "I don't know what's wrong, Tuck! I don't know what I'm feeling!"

Tucker was calm _(even though he was panicking inside)_ as he spoke.

"Can I ask a few questions?" he questioned timidly, not wanting to force his friend into saying anything.

"I - I guess. Yeah? Yeah," Danny said, hesitating slightly before finally nodding.

"How do you feel?"

Tucker was scared for every answer, he was scared for every question he asked and whatever Danny responded with was sure to scare him too. He needed to be brave, though. If he wasn't brave then Danny wouldn't be brave, and he needed to be brave.

"I don't know. I don't know how I feel, sometimes I feel _nothing. _I don't feel sad - after my Grandmother freaking _died, _I felt nothing! I didn't know what to do!" he exclaimed, his eyes brimming with tears before he shook his head, forcing them away.

There was really only one question he could ask, wasn't there? He didn't want to - what if Danny forced him away?

He _had _to.

"Tell me this," he started softly, not wanting to scare Danny, "and I want you to be honest, here, please -"

"I don't want to."

That practically confirmed it, in Tucker's opinion. It broke his heart.

"Please let me ask the question."

"I don't want to."

At this point, the hot chocolate was left forgotten as Danny buried his face into his knees.

"Danny, please."

"I don't want to."

Tucker slipped closer, holding Danny close to him as the boy's breath hitched.

"Danny, you need to answer the question."

"I don't want to."

Danny pressed his face into his shoulder, his shoulders shaking as he sobbed.

"If you don't answer, Danny, then I think I already know the answer."

"I don't want to."

Tucker rubbed his back.

"Please?"

_"I don't want to."_

Tucker was going to have to ask it, he knew. He didn't want to.

"Danny, _please."_

_"I don't want to!"_

He needed to ask the question. Danny's reaction told him everything he needed to know, but he still needed to hear it from the boy himself.

"Danny -" Tucker's voice broke, and he squeezed his eyes shut as he continued on, "- do you still want to be here?"

Danny didn't reply.

"Danny, please. _Do you want to be here anymore?"_

And at that, at his best friend shaking as he comforted him in his arms, Danny broke.

"No! No, I don't want to! I don't know!" he exclaimed, sobbing harder into Tucker's shoulder. "I don't know! _I don't know anymore, Tucker, I don't know..."_

Tucker felt a single tear drop down. It was confirmed now. He wished it wasn't.

"Would you - would you do anything to make you not live here anymore?" he whispered, hugging the boy tight. He couldn't afford to lose him yet.

"No. No, I wouldn't."

The response sounded weak, even to Danny himself.

"Do you like yourself?"

The response was immediate.

"No."

And Tucker's heart broke even more at that single word.

"Can you tell me why?"

"... Nobody likes me, Tuck," Danny whispered hoarsely. "_So many damn people gave left me and I don't understand why! There has to be a reason, and the only reason I can come up with is me!"_

"No! Danny, _no_, so many people love you... _So many people._ Tell me who loves you. Please."

"My mom. My dad."

"That's good, keep going."

Tucker's quiet, encouraging voice convinced Danny to continue.

"J-Jazz." Danny's voice shook. "Sam. You"

"Yes," Tucker said. "Me. And there are so many more people who love you, Danny, you can't see it. They would be _devastated _to lose you, and so would I. Promise me you won't go."

And Danny found it _so, so hard _to say no. So he nodded.

"I won't. I promise."

**~ DP ~**

The second time he cut, he hated himself for it.

_(But he couldn't breathe, and he needed to breathe, and this was the only way to breathe, and it had been such a long time since he took a big, deep breath without anything constricting his lungs -)_

He hadn't felt anything all day - or the day before, or the day before, or the day _before. _He just needed to feel _something._

He hid in the bathroom, with his blade in hand, right before he would go in the shower - it was perfect. Nobody would know.

He was too scared to go deep. He did it just enough that it would leave a scar, it would hurt just a little, there would be _blood. _

When he looked at it the next day, he hated it.

It looked like he was attention seeking. It was so - so _shallow. _There was barely anything to see. It was red, yes, he needed to wear long sleeves or a jumper, yes, but it wasn't _deep. _It wasn't _worth it._

So, the next day after hating himself for an entire day, he looked into the mirror in the bathroom as he held the blade up to his shoulder - he wouldn't need to wear long sleeves after the _shallow, shallow, shallow _one scarred and nobody would see it. After all, that's what happened with the first cut, right?

Nobody had cared. He hadn't expected them to.

It was deep.

He could breathe easier, now.

* * *

**depressing, ****yeah**

**i hope you didn't mind the flashback! it was quite interesting for me, writing the denial of danny and tucker being awesome like he is.**

**(can you tell tucker's my favourite character? XD)**

**bad grammar is back again! only for these last little notes, don't worry ;)**

**i hope you liked this chapter!**

**once again, if you ever need anyone to talk to, i'll always be here. you can message me on here, on message me on instagram (writecrazily) and i'll answer as soon as i can (which should be pretty much all the time, considering i'm going on lockdown).**

**i love you guys so much! if you feel like this, don't worry! it'll get better, i promise!**

**review replies will be at the top of next chapter, with much better grammar, i assure you**

**goodbye!**


	5. ON HOLD

Hey. It's me. I'm sorry for no recent updates, but I reread the last chapter again and just... couldn't do it.

This story isn't being discontinued, it just hit a bit close to home (I had a similar conversation with my sister that Danny and Tucker had last chapter and she betrayed my trust).

Basically, a lot has happened and I have discovered a lot of stuff during quarantine that I would rather have not.

For example, my mum has been hiding things that are about me from me (confusing, I know) and has been jumping to conclusions. I'm just kind of sick of it.

And no, I didn't expect my sister to keep what I told her to herself, I let her tell my other sister and that's it, it just hurt.

But anyway I can't continue to write this story at the moment. Remember how Danny finds it hard to breathe sometimes??? With my mum threatening school at every corner (with her knowing I'm struggling with work and struggle even more at school) I just can't do it right now.

I sincerely apologise! I will try and get back to this as soon as I can, but I can't physically write this story at the moment.

Sorry.


End file.
